CARBON DIOXIDE

Acolytes to the First Church of Global Warming should be reminded that the primary sources of the “greenhouse gas,” carbon dioxide, (after the burning of fossil fuels) are animal respiration (breathing) and the outgassing of the world’s vast variety of carbonated beverages. Therefore, I propose that, in order to keep all the Greenland glaciers from melting and flooding out all the beach houses in Malibu, Easthampton, South Beach, St. Barths, and St. Tropez … that the UN encourage, nay initiate genocide anywhere in the world that it might pop up; the PETA people reverse course and ban the killing of plants (that use up carbon dioxide) while encourage the slaughter of carbon dioxide producing livestock; and that the eco-terrorists force all the Coca Cola, PepsiCola, Budweiser, Kirin, Fosters, etc. bottling plants around the world to cease production.